Brent and I were both very sick toward the beginning of the week. I had spent a lot of time writing sub lesson plans to ensure that my students were still working toward a goal. When I submitted my Wednesday lesson plans I was informed that the students were not working on the assigned materials because they had been removed from the classroom and placed into the library to just "chill." Both of my classroom were being used for English bootcamp in preparation for the upcoming AIMS examinations. For the majority of Wednesday night I was in a panic. Brent suggested that we go up to the high school and take a look around ourselves, I agreed. When we got to the high school I went straight for the band room. The room wasn't too bad but I still wanted to return it to my expectations. Then came the choir room. I walked, turned on the lights, and basically screamed. The room was a mess. Desks were moved and some where even tipped over others. My piano had been moved. The moving of the piano is not such a big deal, except for the fact that it has a bad wheel and you have to pick up one end of it in order to move it because if you don't then the pressure moves the strings and it goes back to being out of tune. Brent helped me for about an hour reorganize my room and I swore that the next day would be hell.
On Thursday morning I woke up, got ready, and headed for the high school. Upon my arrival at the high school the only person I wanted to see was Dave, the principal. I told him about the condition of my rooms and that I wanted them out of the band room. He walked and talked with me. We soon encountered one of the English teachers who did a majority of the planning process. I told her how disappointed I was in the program and that they need to leave my room. By the end of the day I destroyed an entire English department and the principals cowering in fear of my wrath. Teachers kept asking Brent how I was doing throughout the day and his response was "she is on a war path." I don't usually sound like this but I will admit that I am a spoiled brat at times. I have always gotten what I wanted and I always will. I made the English department well aware that I am not someone to mess with and that if I want them to leave then they will leave. By Thursday night I had a very detailed apology letter asking for forgiveness, my response "thank you."
Friday had a much better start. We were short a lot of teachers in the building due to D3M meetings at district office, bootcamp, and other reasons so I volunteered to help substitute when needed. I was also asked by several seniors to be there sponsor for a senior trip to California. I would get to attend all of the same activities they do free of charge. Of course I said yes, a free trip to Cali, who wouldn't. I also decided that since it was Friday and most of my students were missing that it was movie day. Everything was going smoothly until 6th hour. I had a parent of one of my students show up with a concern about graduation. He daughter was suppose to sing the Star Spangled Banner but I was informed by the senior class sponsor that I should put together a group of seniors to sing instead. The student, upset with me because she felt like I was taking away her dreams, called her mom to complain and insisted that she come fix the problem. The parent and I got back onto the same page and decided to meet with the senior class sponsor in hopes that we could resolve this matter quietly.
By the time the evening rolled around I was tired and ready to spend a nice quiet evening with Brent. On payday Fridays Brent and I usually bail for Chinle to take care of our pay checks and spend some quiet time together, we also usually have a dinner date. Brent informed me though that he did not know where his wallet was and that he needed his drivers license in order to be able to cash his paycheck. We went to his house to look around and had no luck. We dug through both trucks and his classroom, but had no luck. We decided to call it quits and stay in Pinon. When I get really stressed out or upset I shut down. I needed to get out of Pinon for the evening, especially since we had to work on Saturday, but that was not going to happen.
Brent has spent most of the evening trying to make me smile and actually feel good about myself again. Most men would tell you to get over yourself, but not Brent. He recalled a phrase I said when he was really sick in January. I had told him that when you are sick the best way to feel better is to watch kid movies. He suggested we go on a Disney marathon and start with Beauty and the Beast. I loved the idea and was excited. Later in the evening Brent made a small comment that made me shut down again. Sometimes I think when I shut down he gets scared but he won't tell me because he knows that I need my space. He always stands by me and waits until he thinks the time is right before he tries to break the tension.
After having our dinner and watching, what he later found out to be my favorite princess movie I talked to him about what I felt like I needed. While he went home to get his textbook I made a phone call to talk about a medication. During my senior year in college I was beyond stressed. My grandfather had just been diagnosed with cancer, I just started student teaching, I was a senior in college, I was preparing for my senior recital, and looking for a job. To put it simply, I was falling apart. I decided that I needed something to call my nerves and was prescribed anxiety medication. I stopped taking the medication in May when I got really sick because I wanted to clear my body of all narcotics. I made the decision tonight that with everything going on in my life I need something to calm my nerves until the wedding is over. I found my prescription, prayed, and decided that this is something that I had to do for myself. Maybe if I get back into my routine, stop trying so hard to make everyone so happy all of the time, and enjoy life then I will be able to prevent this from happening again.
Here is my little shout out... Brent I love you with all of my heart. Although we have only been together five months and the wedding is less than two months away I know that you will be by my side through everything. I love you and all I want is to make you happy. And you are right, I need to start with taking care of myself first so I promise to you that I will do my best and all ask from you is your support and love.
No comments:
Post a Comment